How to Have Anal Sex

Welcome to our comprehensive guide to anal sex! Whether you're new or have some experience, we're here to give you helpful tips and advice to improve your anal play. From anal training and lube to communication the best positions, we've got you covered!

**Anal sex requires a higher level of communication and vulnerability than many other types of sex.  Please only attempt it with a partner you trust who values your safety and well being above their own physical pleasure.**

Anal Training

Anal training is the process of slowly stretching the sphincter muscles to allow for comfortable penetration. The importance of anal training cannot be overstated, it is crucial for a comfortable and pleasurable experience.

During anal training, be sure to use lots of lube and take your time. Depending on your experience and the size of your partner, anal training could take several days or even weeks.

Go slow and don't push through pain; an injury will set you back, so it's best to be patient. Here is an example 7 day beginner training schedule.

Click to shop our anal training sets 

A high quality anal training set is the foundation of anal sex preparation.  Here are some things to look for:

  • Purchase a training set that maxes out at or a little larger than your
    partner's penis girth so you will know that your body is ready to take his size comfortably. The point of training is to achieve a goal, measure the girth of your partner's penis and work towards that!
  • Look for a set that uses wands in combination with plugs.  Butt plugs alone are not very good at stretching the sphincter muscles because your body will adjust to the narrow neck rather than the girthier bulb of the plug.  You need to be able to hold at the largest section of your toy to effectively stretch the sphincter muscle.  Silolis makes the only anal training sets that combine butt plugs with coordinated wands for the anal training that is both comfortable and efficient.
  • Pay attention to the materials used.  Many sex toys are made of materials that are not actually body safe.  Look for sets made of platinum silicone, stainless steel, or borosilicate glass.  Read our comprehensive article about body safe sex toy materials.
  • Be prepared for the cost.  A high quality anal training set will be more expensive than a cheap set of graduated plugs from a large retailer, but the difference is worth the money because plugs alone just don't work very well.  Invest in the experience of being able to have anal sex, not just another butt plug.

Read our Ultimate Guide to Anal Training for more tips!

Anal Douching

When it comes to anal play, hygiene is an important consideration. The rectum does not naturally self-cleanse like the vagina, so many people choose to use anal douching as a way to prepare and feel more confident about engaging in anal activities.

There are different methods and products available for anal douching. Some people prefer using a bulb syringe or an anal douche bulb, which allows for controlled water flow into the rectum. Others may opt for pre-packaged enema kits or specialized anal douching solutions.

It is important to note that anal douching should be done with care and moderation. Overuse or excessive pressure during douching can disrupt the natural balance of the rectum and potentially cause irritation or damage. It is recommended to follow the instructions provided with the chosen douching method or consult with a healthcare professional for guidance.

Look for products specifically designed for anal douching, as they are formulated to be gentle on the delicate tissues of the rectum. Avoid using harsh soaps, fragrances, or any products that may cause irritation or allergic reactions.

Anal douching is a personal choice and not a requirement for engaging in anal play.  It is important for everyone involved to recognize that even with anal douching, it is possible for anal play to be messy and poop may make an appearance.  Prepare by putting down extra sheets or towels and clean up messes quickly without embarrassing or shaming your partner.

Using a high-quality lubricant is essential for anal sex. Spit is not lube!  Anal tissue is delicate and doesn't naturally lubricate like the vagina does. To prevent discomfort and potential injury, always use a generous amount of lubricant.  Opt for a thick, water-based or silicone-based lube that provides long-lasting glide. Avoid using oil-based lubes as they can degrade condoms and certain toys. Reapply as needed during the act to maintain smooth and comfortable penetration.   

Condoms for Protection

Using condoms during anal sex is highly recommended to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and maintain hygiene. Ensure you choose condoms specifically designed for anal sex, as they are usually thicker and more durable.

Health and Safety: Switching

One important topic that needs to be addressed is the importance of not switching from anal sex to vaginal sex or mouth. Let's delve into the reasons behind this recommendation.

First and foremost, it is crucial to understand that the anus and rectum have a different composition and sensitivity compared to the vagina and mouth. The anus does not naturally produce lubrication like the vagina does, making it more prone to friction and potential tearing during penetration. Additionally, the rectum contains bacteria that can be harmful if introduced into the vagina or mouth.

Switching from anal sex to vaginal sex without proper hygiene and precautions can increase the risk of infections, such as urinary tract infections (UTIs) and bacterial vaginosis. The bacteria present in the rectum can disrupt the delicate balance of the vaginal flora, leading to discomfort, odor, and potential health issues.

Similarly, switching from anal sex to oral sex can also pose health risks. The rectum can harbor bacteria, including sexually transmitted infections (STIs), which can be transmitted to the mouth and throat. This can increase the chances of contracting STIs such as gonorrhea, chlamydia, and even HIV.

It is important to note that using proper protection, such as condoms and dental dams, can significantly reduce the risk of transmitting infections. However, it is still advisable to avoid switching directly from anal to vaginal or oral activities, even with protection.

It Could Get Messy

Anal sex tends to be messier than vaginal or oral sex, so it's important to be prepared.  Because anal sex requires a lot of lube, it's a good idea to put down an extra sheet or towel.  Better yet, invest in a waterproof washable bed pad to use when engaging in messier sex.  These pads are marketed for incontinence (search for "washable and reusable incontinence bed pad"), but they are great for using during messy sex; just throw it in the washing machine when you're done and enjoy your clean bed underneath! 

Additionally, even with douching there is always a possibility of seeing some feces.  Discuss this beforehand with your partner to make sure there is no shame associated with the presence of poop- it is a risk you are both agreeing to when deciding to engage in anal sex.  Discuss how you will handle it (stopping or continuing, telling your partner or ignoring it, wiping it away or leaving it, etc.), and plan to have some extra towels close by. 

Start Slow and Listen to Your Body

Anal penetration should be approached gradually, especially if you or your partner are new to it. Begin with gentle external stimulation and gradually progress to inserting a finger or small anal toy. This allows the muscles to relax and adapt to the sensation. Take your time, relax, and communicate with your partner. If at any point you experience discomfort or pain, pause or adjust the activity. The receiver's comfort and pleasure should always be the priority. 

After anal stimulation with fingers and small toys, you may want to slowly insert a wand or dildo that is similar in girth to the penetrating partner's penis, this will allow the receiver one more opportunity to stretch.  If your sphincter feels too tight, try bearing down gently like you're using the bathroom to help open your muscles.  During anal sex, it is often preferable for the receiving partner to be in control of the pace and depth, especially if it is a new experience for either partner.  The penetrating partner needs to follow the lead of the receiver at all times.  Both partners should be highly aroused before anal penetration is attempted.

During initial insertion, the penetrating partner may need to pause several times and wait for the receiver's body to adjust; stimulating other erogenous zones (clitoris for women, penis for men) during this time can help your body relax.  Even with anal training, thrusting can feel strange and may take some time to get used to.  Go slow.  If at anytime either partner is uncomfortable or experiences pain, please pause and assess what is going on and determine whether you need to make an adjustment or stop completely.  Be flexible and ready to adjust plans based on comfort and pleasure. 

Click HERE to read about anal pleasure for women

Click HERE to read about anal pleasure for men

Explore Different Positions

Experimenting with different positions can enhance your anal experience. Some popular positions for beginners include:

  • Spooning: Having sex in a spooning position results in shallower penetration and slower thrusts, making it a good option for beginners.  It also allow the penetrating partner to caress the receiver's body and whisper in their ear, creating a more intimate experience.
  • Cowgirl:  Anal sex in cowgirl or reverse cowgirl allows the receiving partner to be in control of the depth and pace of thrusting.  It also provides easy access for the receiving partner to stimulate their own genitals, which can heighten the experience of anal sex.
  • Lotus:  Similar to cowgirl, in that it allows the receiving partner to be in control; lotus also has the advantage of feeling more intimate because you are face to face with your partner and can kiss and caress them.
Partners who are more experienced with anal sex may want to incorporate variations of missionary and doggy style. Find what works best for you and your partner, ensuring comfort and accessibility.

Enthusiastic Consent and Ongoing Communication

Consent is crucial in any sexual activity, including anal sex. Ensure that all parties involved are enthusiastic and fully consenting. Ongoing communication is key to understanding each other's desires, boundaries, and comfort levels. Check-in with your partner regularly to ensure a positive and enjoyable experience for both.

We hope these tips help you navigate and enjoy anal sex to the fullest. Remember, practice, patience, and open communication are the keys to a pleasurable and safe experience. Happy exploring!

Click here to read about discussing fantasies and boundaries with your partner!

Click here to read about Pegging!